All about intimophobia

Recently, the word "intimophobe" has been increasingly heard. So called, and women, and men. We are talking about people who are afraid to establish long-term emotional relationships with members of the opposite sex. They have their own sympathies and preferences, they fall in love and take a great interest, but their long and lasting intimate relationships terrify them, as they may pose a threat to their independence.

Intimophobia is a type of phobic mental disorder. It is extremely widespread - up to 30% of the adult population is believed to suffer from this kind of fear. This phobia is an irrational, contrived, not existing in reality and not having a weighty prerequisite fear of intimate relationships.

More often than others people who suffer from neurosis become intimophobic, have certain problems with emotional and psychological spheres. And in this case, intimophobia only complements the existing problems. The disorder is not inherited; it cannot be genetically determined, but a girl who is raised by one mother without her father’s participation, and also a boy who was raised only by her father, may well become intimophobes with pronounced features.

Intimophobia is equally susceptible to both women and men. Intimophobe is not “pecked” and “downtrodden” is not the brightest representative of its gender, as it may seem from the name. Externally, people with such a phobia make a very pleasant impression. - they resemble highly relaxed connoisseurs of sexual sensations, they are quite sociable and know how to interest representatives of the opposite sex.

Such people adapt perfectly, easily enter new groups, find a common language with people. So what's the catch, you ask. And the catch is that intimophobia as air needs strong emotions, it needs to experience passionsthat is why he can quite have a rather free sex life and often change partners due to the unwise need for fresh sensations. People around see such an intimophobe, but inside it something is created that no one around can understand - exactly what constitutes his phobia.

Intimophob uses his sexual and love affairs as a screen for true experiences. Inside he firmly settled the fear of true intimacy with a member of the opposite sex. This fear is panic in nature. It is panic that is born in a person’s soul at the thought that relationships can become serious.because it will in one or another degree deprive him of the share of freedom and the influx of fresh experiences necessary for a comfortable existence in this world.

No, marriages are not afraid of intimophobes and often go for it when circumstances require. But even married people keep a certain distance with their partner. He has his own experiences, his feelings and plans, and he needs sex on the side and new sexual acquaintances. It is not surprising that intimophobic families in 99% of cases break up.

Some intimophobia has another problem - sexual aversion. This is an aversion to an intimate partner.Rejection of someone who recently seemed attractive and desirable may come after the first intimacy, and after some time of regular intimate relationships with this partner.

Intimophobia is considered a pathology of character, and therefore, from the point of view of psychology and psychiatry, the main reason for its occurrence is the cost of education. Usually this violation is laid in childhood or during puberty, and the child takes the example of its parents as a basis.

1. The most common thing is the behavior of the mother, her attitude towards the opposite sex, her failures and misses in her personal and intimate life. If a girl sees how mothers are given a difficult relationship with men, how unfortunate is the mother's experience, then it is not worth relying on the fact that she has the correct perception of men. In most cases, failing mothers also reinforce children's fear with statements like “All men are traitors” and “They only need one.” So at the root of faith is killed in a serious relationship with the opposite sex.
2. Similarly, the disorder develops in men. The boy, who is taught by the unfortunate example of his father, does not believe in women in principle, and as he grows up he begins to project this unbelief and distrust on all women. A further algorithm for both men and women is simple: to avoid becoming a victim, you need to run and hide. This mechanism starts nature itself in the human psyche, trying to protect it from shocks. So there is a fear of close and long intimate relationships.
3. Less commonly, the disorder develops in adults. The reason in this case is a strong negative personal experience, personal drama on the family or intimate front. And even an excessively strong desire of a partner to legitimize a relationship as soon as possible can provoke a panic attack and aversion to the prospect of further relations with this person.

Hope to rehabilitate intimophobia is not worth it. A close emotional relationship with him is very, very difficult to build, almost impossible. And whatever you do for him, no matter how hard you try to surround him with comfort and pleasure, the charm of the relationship will be maintained only for the time until the intimophobe begins to become attached to you. As soon as he feels that he has begun to become attached emotionally, he will prefer to find a reason and leave, or he will make your life unbearable, so that you can kick him out or leave.

As long as the relationship does not in any way detract from his personal freedom, they may well continue. But will it suit the partner? In the case of two intimophobes under one roof, it is possible that a mutually beneficial “deal” will be concluded - free marriage, guest marriage or weekend marriage with full freedom of action for each of the partners. An antimophobe cannot change either the birth of children or the presence of a common cause (for example, a common hobby or business). He is not as he is and does not want to become others.

Any psychologist will confirm that intimophobes very rarely seek qualified medical assistance. They do not consider their problem a mental disorder, they are not going to change anything in their attitude towards their sexual partners. AND Most people come to the psychotherapist only with extremely severe cases of this phobic disorder - coitophobia (fear of sex in general). That is, the fear of sexual intercourse is the only reason that can cause an intimophobe to ask for help from specialists.

But if a person suffering from intimophobia is still decided to visit a specialist, believe me, psychologists and psychotherapists have something to offer them to help overcome the problem.

1. There are cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy methods that will help an intimophobe to stop being afraid of serious relationships. It is possible that the treatment will have to take the most active part and partner of the person if he (she) still believes in the possibility of correcting the character of the beloved (loved one).
2. In addition to psychotherapy, antidepressants can be recommended, which will allow to raise the level of serotonin in the body, which at the physical level somewhat reduces the manifestation of fear - heartbeat, rapid breathing, sleep disturbances, blood pressure drops.

It is impossible not to note the consequences that may threaten intimophobe. One day, the age at which sexual pleasures with new partners will become difficult, will cease to bring joy. By this time, children usually grow up children, grandchildren appear. Intimophobes remain on the threshold of old age in splendid isolation, they suffer from the lack of the usual bursts of adrenaline, they can get carried away with alcohol and drugs. They feel outcasts, misunderstood, unloved, but notice that even in this lonely unhappy state they do not reconsider their convictions and continue to assert that “there is no love”, “all women are fools”, and “all men are villains”. Therefore, it is very important to admit to yourself in time that there is a problem and it needs to be solved. It is good if there is a close person who is ready to help and share all the difficulties of this treatment.