Should I forgive the betrayal of her husband and how to live on?

Unfortunately, the pain that a wife experiences when she finds out that her closest man has betrayed her, having changed her from another, is familiar to many women. Cold, numbness, resentment, pain, frenzy, anger - this is not the whole range of feelings experienced when they learn about treason. As a rule, female intuition and without serious evidence suggests when the spouse is incorrect. Although sometimes it can be unjustified fears, transmitted "inherited" by the girl from her female environment: mothers, grandmothers, and friends who have a bitter experience. It is necessary to consider the situation when adultery has already become a confirmed fact.

When confronted with treason for the first time, a thought pulsates in my head - for what. Emotions raging at this moment will not help with the decision, in fact, the key issue in the situation. Yes, now you are very sick and sick. It seems that this feeling is “tearing apart” your whole being. But note - this is your feeling, not you. You yourself are safe and sound. After a while you will begin to feel fuller, then it will be easier for you to continue reading and to perceive what is written.

The question of "why" comes later, when the storm of passions subsides and the head slowly starts, which begins to reflect. More often “why” is included when a husband changes not for the first time or in general the changes in the family are permanent. A woman wants to know the reasons to find the right way out when her husband cheated on his wife. So, it is worth considering in more detail the main possible causes of treason.

• Upbringing The culture of modern society allows voluntary behavior in the family, in particular, in relation to the wife. If you pay attention to the information of the media, magazines, social chatter, you will notice that often respectable family relationships are ridiculed, loyalty and pure relationships become the subject of ridicule. In families where loyalty is valued and informational cleanliness is maintained, men are brought up with an appropriate attitude towards women. Unfortunately, today this is an infrequent phenomenon. Men brought up in the spirit of freedom from various restrictions, including sexual, quite a lot.
• Male dissatisfaction with the sexual life in the family. This reason may be caused objectively by the fact that a woman refuses intimate relationships or is not interested in them to the extent that her husband, and therefore does not diversify them. Or else the reason is a consequence of the dissolute education of her husband, who places sex games above spiritual relations in the family.
• Dissatisfaction with a husband's spiritual relationship with his wife. Despite the materialism of modern thinking - this is a common cause of male adultery. Any person, be it a man or a woman, needs the spouse to accept his inner world, only his inherent qualities, to share his views and values ​​with a close person. Another question is that we often do not show ourselves as real at the beginning of a relationship, and then, when in the process of a relationship we open up to each other, “we don’t recognize” the image of the spouse that was first created. And then it turns out that he (she) is not needed and your ideals and values ​​are not important, the partner does not at all share your views, which you discussed at the beginning. There is a rejection of each other, as a result of this, the spouse begins to look for a new place, where he will be accepted as he is.

• Routine. It manifests itself in male and female versions.Women's routine: she gives all of herself to her husband, children, home, respectively, does not have time to look after herself (appearance, development, and so on); or, having “got hold of”, at last, a man as a husband, calms down and also ceases to pay attention to his appearance and spiritual life. The same can be said about the men's routine, but only with the difference that, due to the influence of hyper-responsibility, he goes head to head or decides that his wife is not going anywhere, he prefers to “push” the couch often in the company of beer.
• Self-affirmation men. Betrayal by the husband is possible in the case when he feels his inferiority in the family. Perhaps a woman really belittles her spouse, and it doesn’t matter in words or actions, or even mentally, because he still feels a dismissive attitude towards himself. Although it happens that a man entered the family already with a feeling of inferiority, instilled in his parental family, then even the usual request can be perceived by him as a nagging or demanding. In this case, he will look for relationships in which he feels higher.
• Women's jealousy. There are cases when a woman feels inferior. It may seem to her that her husband pays special attention to other women, and she does not have enough, while he needs to communicate with them about work. She can check his phone, eavesdrop on conversations, follow him, arrange scenes of jealousy, control her man.

To get an answer to this question, answer, first of all, to yourself for one more thing - what share of my responsibility is in what happened. If you are able to think and analyze the reasons - the answer will be unequivocal: even thinking about plans for revenge, you lose the energy that you need now to understand the situation and solve it in the most favorable way for you. Now imagine a picture that you did get revenge by changing your husband: do you feel peace and tranquility by imagining it. If you really want to solve a problem, you should immediately discard all thoughts of revenge. Even if you decide to part with your husband, you should understand and understand what happened. This will help you to avoid and repeat such mistakes in the future.

If your spouse repents and asks for forgiveness, you have a chance to fix it. To do this, talk to him and find out the reason for his action. Speaking about forgiveness, it is important for both of you to understand: why it happened, how to fix it and how to live on.

The most important thing in the circumstances is a frank conversation with her husband. Of course, it is advisable to speak only after you have calmed down and decided to clarify the situation completely. Calmly ask him to explain everything to you. Remember that both of you are to some extent responsible for what happened, so don’t put pressure on your spouse. Try to take his story with a cool head, listen to everything. If the husband does not go to an open conversation, excuses the phrase "Forgive, it will not happen again", gently point out to him that, let me know that sincerity in the relationship is important for you to continue them. A man for whom it is important to maintain a relationship, hears the calm reasoning of his wife.

And if a woman, having learned about treason, begins to make scandals, make demands, threaten care and so on, then he most likely will want to run away from it, and, quite likely, to the one with whom he has changed.Put yourself in his place, then you will realize that this is quite logical, especially if the scenes are repeated. And you would like to escape from constant emotional outbursts. Therefore, composure is your trump card in building further family relationships.

If you want to build strong relationships based on sincerity, then you need to discuss problems together. You can not "grind" everything in your poor head alone, you need to do this only when you need to calm down and bring your thoughts in order.

Review the relationship in your family, taking into account the reasons that could push a man to adultery. Perhaps you are too jealous and bother your husband with excessive attention or even surveillance. Or some of you (and maybe together) have tightened the routine, you abandoned yourself and (or) your relationship. If you put some of the spheres of your life (children, home, work) above the relationship with your spouse, then they begin to crack. Pay attention to how you usually talk to your husband, in what tone, whether there is any edification in him. Maybe you hate talking about him when talking with friends or other people. In this case, do not be surprised that the husband asserts itself elsewhere.

Do you happen to be truly frank and trust your innermost thoughts, dreams, and plans to each other? Or avoid such conversations. Do you want to open your inner world to your spouse and learn about the treasures of the corners of his soul?

After you have understood the reasons, it would be good to discuss what each of you should do to strengthen your family (remember mutual responsibility). Try to figure out together what is missing for a happy and harmonious relationship, what resources you are willing to invest in to improve them. If you feel that you are “stuck” life, tell your husband about it, offer to distribute some of your responsibilities. Or, on the contrary, if this is his problem with excessive responsibility - support him, invite him to move to a more benign work schedule, then you can spend more time with each other.

Pay attention to yourself - do you care about your appearance, do you want to look not only neat, but also beautiful? It is important that this desire is not imposed, but from the inside, because it is pleasant to like yourself when you cook soup and even when doing laundry, then the process of your renewal will be natural. It is worth answering the questions - do you spend time on your spiritual development, sometimes go to concerts or performances, are interested in developing literature or video films, or give yourself the opportunity to just sit quietly in a chair with your favorite book. If not, allow yourself, finally, to show interest in what you like, do it with pleasure. It may seem to you that there is no time to do this, but this means only that if you restrain yourself in one, then you invest too much energy in another activity.

Together determine what you both lack to be understood by each other. Earlier in Russia there was a custom called mercy.One day every week, the couple put everything off, sent the children to their grandmothers and talked heart to heart. They expressed in turn what they liked and did not like in the actions of the other, as they would like it to be, decided together what should be done to correct the situation. This custom helped not to save insults in itself, to be understandable and understood by its half.

Try it and you enter this tradition in your family. Say, if it is impossible a whole day, then a certain time in a week, when you will be in a calm atmosphere, being free from worries, “pardon” each other, that is, trust your partner with your thoughts, joys or doubts. Learn to talk about problems in a relaxed atmosphere so that your feelings have a way out. And then neither he nor you will need to seek solace elsewhere. This practice will help to further discuss the hidden topics, which is also important to understand, because intimate questions are easier to solve in a trusting environment, when your loved one is revealed and ready to share their experiences and desires.

Test your self-esteem - are you sure about yourself as a woman, mother, mistress, behave in these roles naturally, in accordance with an internal impulse or constantly proving something to someone or, on the contrary, expecting advice from someone, maybe even mentally. Watch for yourself. If you mark similar signs, then, most likely, you are unsure of yourself. Get together. You are a whole person. The Creator created us in the image and likeness of his own, which means self-sufficient. Say your firm word to your internal opponents or advisers that you yourself are able to cope with difficulties and no longer need their prompts.

And listen to yourself more. Remember that in us all knowledge is initially incorporated, all information necessary for the ability to interact with each other. Believe in yourself and your husband. If you feel his vulnerability, then this faith will support him.

Now that you yourself and your spouse have figured out the situation, understood how you want, and how not to do in the future, you should forget the situation as a bad dream and live on. If you need the opinion of a psychologist how to live further - let go of the problem, do not let it hurt you and torment your family. Imagine that it flies away from you like a balloon into the sky and dissolves there forever. The task of women in the family and family is to be able to forgive and help their loved ones cope with anxiety and pain. This may seem like a difficult task, but no one will argue that this role is nearer to a woman by spiritual qualities than to a man. Although the nature of a man is, first of all, his inner strength, which is also capable of protecting native people from trouble. The development of these qualities in him depends on women. For this you need to let him take care of you.

Learn to love yourself and your husband. And this does not mean that it is necessary to look at yourself in the mirror all day long or make an icon out of it. You are not only what is outside. Learn to enjoy all the processes in your life. Do not put material on the foreground, let everything be in moderation. Understand that even a broken thing can be a reason for your interaction and his care: let it spin at the broken plate while you are cleaning vegetables for your lunch in the kitchen (near you), or wrap you with a blanket , if the electricity was disconnected, and it became cold in the house.