How to get rid of resentment at parents?

Grievance can greatly poison the life of any person. Sometimes the offense can be overcome quickly. But in some cases this feeling can live in the mind of a person for years. Resentment of adult children at their parents is precisely related to such situations. Often it is hidden, unconscious, so getting rid of it is even more difficult.

The emergence of such a heavy feeling as an insult is connected with an unjust, in the opinion of the person, judgment or an act towards him. Having experienced negative actions of others (deception, unfounded reproaches, ignoring, evil jokes, insults), a person feels slighted, humiliated. Most often the offense is accompanied by a desire for revenge. When a matured child is seriously and for a long time offended by the mother or the father, this also severely injures himself. After all, from birth, parents are the closest for everyone. And it is to such native people that negative accumulates in the soul.

Let us consider in more detail the nature of the offenses of children on their parents.

• Often resentment associated with the authoritarian type of education. The child was often punished, deprived of toys and the ability to play with peers. Child-parent relations in this case are almost always very tense and strained. In such strict families, children are often blamed for not even making mistakes and missteps. It comes to moral humiliation. Mom constantly criticizes her daughter for being inappropriate. Not stint on the expression, she repeatedly scolds her hair or wardrobe details. The father does not see enough in his son, by his personal standards, courage, therefore humiliating.

• Emotional remoteness of mom and dad. Very often this happens in families with late children. Parents of age with difficulty delve into the culture of children, youth and youth, much of it condemn. As a result, the interests of the child are criticized. Limited his freedom of choice and creativity. A child can be manipulated to the point that they are forced to learn from the specialty that the parents have chosen, and not to the one that is interesting to him.
• Violence and abuse in the family leaves a deep imprint on the psyche. Here it is appropriate to speak not only about the insult, but also about the deep psychological trauma. To forgive this is far from all.
• In dysfunctional for various reasons, families reign tense and unstable environment. If alcoholism, drug addiction of one or both parents takes place, then the child’s life becomes completely unbearable. They are practically not engaged, as mom and dad have a lot of their problems, often they are not at home at all. They can easily miss important events for the child: school performance, last call, competition, award presentation.

• Hurt can neglect one child in favor of another. It happens that parents do not hide their favor to their brother or sister, openly bathing them in compliments, attention, gifts and support. To the other, only reproaches and remarks, often undeserved, are received. And although it is.by and large, mental disorders of moms and dads themselves, problems with age remain with those who in childhood did not receive parental love.
• Very often, a strong feeling of resentment can be tied to a particular event of childhood, adolescence, or early youth. The situation in which the parents, according to the child, acted unjustly, permanently "eats" in memory.
• Transferring interpersonal parental relationships to children results in an unfair relationship to them. A mother is always unhappy with her husband and can unknowingly humiliate a son who reminds her of her father. Resentment at the man who left the family is often transferred to the children of a single mother. The child in this case is often forced to undergo unreasonable rudeness, nagging and offensive remarks.

Child resentment can negatively affect many areas of human activity. Negative thoughts and memories drain the nervous system. And the experience of living in a dysfunctional family is strongly imprinted on the attitude towards marriage and their children as early as adult life.

In particular, an old grievance against mom and dad will certainly affect one or more of the following areas:

• psycho-emotional state;
• physical health;
• relationship with the spouse or spouse;
• self-esteem level;
• interpersonal relations in society;
• relationship with your own children.

Sincere forgiveness is a soul liberating act. The oppression of heavy negative thoughts is falling down, plans of revenge are forever forgotten. For adult children it is very important to cope with the accumulated emotions. Thereby you will adjust your life and help the most dear people to find peace of mind. Letting go of difficult situations from childhood is not so easy. For a start, it is important to have a firm intention to do this. The second step is to work out those moments that hurt you. You can do this with your parents if you have a relationship.

Receptions to get rid of children's offenses and experiences associated with parents

• Try to imagine yourself in the place of your mom and dad. Understand the situation and the situation from their point of view. Consider their age, financial situation and other events that took place around at that time. Probably, other details of the time when you were offended will emerge in your memory. Maybe your mother was very tired at work, and the family was in a precarious financial situation. Or there was a heavy loss of someone from the family. Ask yourself how I would feel, what would I do if I would not make the same mistake? Scroll through the situation in your head, coming up with other, more favorable outcomes. Were they really feasible at that time?
• Do not dwell on negative memories. Your childhood has passed, and that was not changed. Instead, go back to the happy moments more often. Now you are an adult and independent person, ready to work seriously with their problems.
• You should not voluntarily and consciously accuse yourself of being a “child of alcoholics” or “unloved son”. Thereby you put a fat point on your spiritual and social development. Even if your parents had weaknesses and serious troubles in life, they still did not give up on you and raised you, no matter what. Remember their strengths and strengths.

• Try to talk to your parents about mistakes that they don’t want to admit. After all, over the years they have become wiser and can look at the past differently. Topics that previously caused irritation or denial, it is quite possible to raise again after a few years. Often, merely acknowledging that one’s mother or father is wrong is very helpful to the process of forgiveness. The past situation loses its urgency and is gradually forgotten.
• Be prepared for the fact that older parents still do not recognize the fact of injustice of any actions. So, in their worldview, the assessment of these situations is somewhat different than yours. To radically change the established views is almost impossible. Just try not to make the mistake of your parents and in this situation accept them as they are.
• Do not take on the role of judge. Nevertheless, we will never overtake the age and life experience of our parents. So, it has no right to demand from them regrets and torments for their deeds by force.
• If you clearly see the mistakes of mom and dad in your upbringing, then you are lucky. After all, you have a great chance not to repeat them in your family on children and grandchildren. And the cause of unfair or insulting actions of your parents could be just elementary inexperience and short-sightedness.

• Try to mentally regret yourself in childhood. Remember the situations when you were offended by your mother, and imagine that she immediately realized the mistake and apologized to you. It may well be that Mom wanted to do so, but could not step over her pride or was too wound up at that time.
• Allow yourself to mourn and even cry over your resentment. Circumstances were unfair and could not be corrected. Throw out your sadness and promise yourself that with tears let go of the insult from your memory.
• The language of parental love is not always clear and straightforward. Behind the reproaches and comments may be hiding sincere anxiety. Abrupt disruptions and scandals can be the result of a strong emotional experience and attempts to get you back on the right path. Bans are designed to protect you from dangers that seemed very significant to your parents.