Perhaps, every man had to deal with a woman's insult. When an offended woman knows how to speak out her offense, and a man knows how to listen and understand, then it is easy enough for them to solve the problems that are a pain in the relationship. But it also happens that the reason for the insult to the man is incomprehensible to the spouse and he does not know how to behave in such a situation. And sometimes the woman herself is difficult to understand herself and cope with the insult. How to understand each other and yourself and what to do in a similar situation?
Why does a woman get offended?
We will proceed from the fact that the cause of the offense is unknown to the man. Then it can manifest itself in the following way: she is locked in, communicates coldly, defiantly does not talk, or, on the contrary, becomes too demanding, “saws”, finds fault on trifles.
The reasons for this may be many. Here are some: fatigue, inattention, hurtful words, jealousy, lack of understanding and so on. But, ultimately, they all boil down to the dumb request (or demand) of a woman to pay attention to her.
Psychology calls this behavior a manipulation. The main feature of a manipulator is insincerity, such a person does not speak directly about his needs, but searches for various kinds of workarounds and does so unconsciously.
The manipulation is most often resorted to by people with a weak will. There is great fear in them that their direct request will be mocked, ignored, not heard.
Therefore, you need to look deeper. Then, given the unconsciousness of such behavior and the weakness of the one who is offended, it can be understood that the insult to the beloved does not have malicious intent, but by and large asks for attention and needs its inner strength and support.
How do partners behave?
For men, it has long been no secret that women are getting married, including because they need their strength, protection and support. Unfortunately, in the male circle, often under the protection and support refers only to physical strength.
But the truth is that a woman often needs moral support no less. Internally, a strong man will always notice when something is disturbing his companion and does not dismiss her feelings.
For a woman, attention, husband care - as a battery charger. They are charged from simple words and hugs and become tireless generators from affectionate treatment. A woman is just waiting for kind words.
It also happens that the girl turns out to be an overly capricious person who does not calm down, even when you have gathered all your understanding and, as it seems to you, you gave it your best. At this moment it is better to take a pause and think about this: men are accustomed to an eye for an eye relationship, and aggression is alien to women by their nature. therefore if a tired wife starts “nibbling” you, drilling with words and “letting out poison”, then this does not mean that you need to strike back - it will only be worse for both. It's just a signal that the energy is over, it's time to "charge the batteries."
And indeed, many women confirm that without the support of a loved one they give up, their life force goes somewhere and they are not happy with themselves. And then my husband just wants a little attention: stroll along the autumn park by the arm and express his concerns and concerns so that he can simply listen, without interrupting or arguing.
The fact is that modern men, many who grew up in conditions of matriarchy and feminism, sincerely believed that a woman can be strong: a leader, a businesswoman, an athlete, a climber, a Komsomol member, etc. And the women themselves almost believed in it.But their true nature, tender and fragile, does not come to terms with this state of affairs in society and tries to break established stereotypes in its relation. True, it does not always skillfully. But then, thanks to such manifestations, men can know for sure: there is a real woman before them.
When young people still dream of a family, they often do not realize that the family is not only and not so much a permanent holiday, but also persistent daily and hourly work on relationships. But this work will pay him back a hundredfold, and soon they will feel that he brings them an extraordinary joy of reciprocity, penetration and co-creation with their chosen one.
If you do not forget that any relationship is created not only for the sake of his beloved, but for the common good, then the efforts spent on building relationships will bring great joy. The same advice would suit women: Do not forget to take care of your “garden of love” every day, and, like a real garden, weed it from weeds-offenses, water it with good thoughts and words and feed it with a balm of tenderness.
How can a girl understand herself and let go of her offense?
It often happens that girls do not admit to their offense, including some kind of game, and the guy may not be aware of the reason for your offense. These reasons can often be subjective. It happens that for her something is unacceptable in his behavior, but for him it is the norm. For example, a man, making a compliment to another girl, just showed courtesy, and his companion is offended.
In order not to have a grudge against herself, a girl simply needs to talk to her lover and express what she has in her heart. If a guy apologized, admitted a mistake, and you still can’t calm down, it means that perhaps someone’s opinion influences you, and someone casually “hooked” you on this way of coping with troubles - to be offended. For example, your friends had a similar negative experience and they advise you to “not forgive a scoundrel.”
It is time to induce inner purity. Remember and go through all the similar situations of your friends and loved ones, in which they too offended men. Soberly analyze these situations and determine who is actually right. And even if a friend or mother had a reason for resentment, firmly tell yourself that this is not your experience, but the experience of your friend (mother, etc.). Your situation with your spouse may be somewhat similar to them, but you are completely different people and you may have other circumstances in many respects. And henceforth, proceed from the circumstances of your particular situation and the characteristics of your and your companion.
Do not let speculation interfere with your life and relationships with a partner.
If the guy does not admit his mistake, you can give him your opinion, but after that you need to calm down and forgive the offense. This will help get rid of her. Do not be afraid to be too soft and vulnerable. On the contrary, forgiving, you will notice that you internally become more stable and strong. And you are no longer confused even by someone’s attempt to assert themselves. You take everything calmly, maintaining internal balance. Next to such peace, there is no desire to "feel" and provoke. Being close to such peace and such confidence, I want to penetrate them, and cooperate with you.
To bear insults in oneself means to do worse only to oneself. The offended person looks like a heavy weight carrier (and indeed: unforgiven offenses lie like a stone on the heart): he is sad, joyless, with such a person you do not want to be around for a long time. Insult creates ill health. Unforgiven resentment causes nervous tension. And as you know, the nervous system regulates all processes in the body. In a state of stress (prolonged resentment leads the body to just this state), it works at the limit of its capabilities and fails.
Any offense is energy. It has a direct effect on our mental and physical condition. To save your health, you need to learn how to let go of resentment.
Technique of forgiveness
Imagine your offense as some kind of energy.Listen to yourself - where it is located in you, what form it has - form, color, what sensations it causes - it can be hot or cold, scrubbing, compressing or chopping. Observe her as if from the side: what she does, what she wants to tell you. Listen - maybe she will say something important to you, you may even hear her voice speaking to you. Thank her for the lesson, forgive her coming to you and release, mentally imagining how it dissipates, how the fog flies into the sky or disappears in another way.
After that, you will feel that you wanted to breathe freely - this made room for the new and joyful in you. Now breathe deeply as you like, and imagine that you are filled with pure sparkling light. Performing this exercise regularly, you will notice that your resentments are already sort of released automatically and you feel liberated.
Both men and women, overcoming a grievance in a couple, become a step higher in their development, and in the future it will be easier for them to find a common language not only with their companion, but also with other people.
How to learn to build relationships without offense to men, see the following video.
