No one is immune from being offended. Even the closest people can make meanness. Naturally, after the caused troubles, the person begins to be tormented by a feeling of resentment and a desire to get even. This article will discuss the causes and methods of revenge.
What is revenge?
The desire for revenge arises in response to the pain, meanness, humiliation and other actions of others. This is quite a strong feeling, often seriously spoiling the life of someone who becomes obsessed with it. The main driving force of the avenger is the desire to restore justice, to regain dignity.
The hardest thing is to accept the resentment caused by a close person. The meanness committed intentionally to those whom you trusted sometimes confuses.
After the first stupor from the accomplished trouble passes, it is replaced by the strongest indignation. This feeling takes possession of a person both physically and morally. Haunted restrained pride and pride. In the head at the first stages, the most sophisticated and even cruel plans of revenge can arise.
The period of carrying out a plan of revenge is often very exhausting. Unless, of course, we are not talking about a very trivial, comic dirty tricks. When feelings are deeply hurt and moral damage is caused, it is very difficult to calm down and release the situation.
Often, someone who craves retribution, loses sleep, appetite. Relatives may even notice changes in behavior and appearance. Resentment stubbornly gnaws at the person, making life very emotionally limited and one-sided.
Psychologists and other specialists in this field have noticed that people with high self-esteem and emotional impulsiveness are most inclined to revenge. These two qualities in a critical situation can push a person to very serious rash acts, therefore it is necessary to be careful and weigh the real damage from the situation in which the abuser set.
Because of the comic rally, sometimes a cruel retribution is made that is completely unequal to the act. In any situation it is worth trying to figure it out, look at it from different sides. Perhaps the act was not even quite intentional or forced.
Psychologists advise in any case to analyze the situation and understand the origins of the emotions and feelings that a person feels in connection with what happened. In other words, one should understand the true motives behind the desire to take retaliatory actions against the offender.
The reasons
Depending on individual character traits and worldviews, each person reacts in a completely different way to those around them and their actions. As already noted above, pride and emotionality most of all push the victim to a sharp response. And it is they who create a very great danger of "bending the stick."
Sustainable harmonious personality usually do not respond to minor troubles, squabbles or evil jokes. Thus, they do themselves a favor, maintaining peace of mind and balance.
Undoubtedly, there are very good reasons for revenge. No matter how much we wish that serious betrayals, betrayals and intrigues pass us by, they still happen in life.
A serious mark in the soul and an insult can cause many events:
- intentional insult, humiliation of a loved one;
- betrayal or betrayal of a loved one;
- the machinations of fellow workers;
- intrigue best friend or friend;
- intentional cruel deception.
Having survived an unpleasant situation, only a person can decide on revenge. Therefore, it is advisable to give yourself time to calm down, think about and weigh the pros and cons. You need to keep yourself from chopping off the shoulders.
When is it worth forgiving people?
Many spiritual teachings and religions carry in themselves the idea of forgiveness and letting go of any negative situation - this saves spiritual energy, since a person, forgiving, does not waste strength on evil response. But this is a philosophical approach to the problem of offenses. To accept or not to accept such a point of view is the personal choice of everyone.
In any case, before accomplishing revenge, you need to weigh everything well. Perhaps it is in this situation that a person deserves forgiveness and will be very grateful in the future.
- A man could make trouble not at all on purpose. It is not always possible to assess the consequences of your decisions or actions. It may well be that you were not intentionally attacked at all.
- Sometimes innocent jokes can be misunderstood and regarded as an insult. Of course, you need to be careful about joking, without causing inconvenience, damage, or offending others.
- If the offender sincerely asked for forgiveness and repents, perhaps this is his payback. Often, after a misdemeanor, a decent person, realizing a mistake, apologizes himself and tries to correct the consequences, to make amends. Revenge with the sincere repentance of the offender will be simply inappropriate and will make you an aggressor.
- It is very unpleasant and painful when a close and beloved person is very offended. Revenge of the girl, parents, husband is unlikely to give pleasure. But strife and enmity are likely to increase. You should think a few times, if you still have a desire to punish a loved one.
- Often meanness can be arranged because of envy. At work, subordinates often quite unreasonably create various troubles for a successful boss or boss.
A similar situation may arise in the family. For example, the younger brother can simply envy. In such a situation, the offender himself is also deeply unhappy. From such people is worth the time to defend themselves, but revenge, they are perhaps unworthy.
Possible ways of punishment
If, however, it was decided to carry out revenge, then it is worth remembering that it must be proportionate to the offense. You should choose the way that you will definitely not regret, and he should not put you in a bad light.
Below are a few examples of possible revenge for various situations.
- If you tried to humiliate, then you should not respond publicly to such an act. The abuser needs to freak you out and put you in a bad and ridiculous way. Having not received the desired actions, he himself will find himself in an awkward situation in front of other observers.
- After treason, I often want not only to break off relations, but also to take revenge on a partner who has deceived feelings. A man or an ex-girlfriend can be hurt by starting a new, seemingly successful relationship. Appearing together in a circle of mutual friends and praising a new passion or a guy, it is quite possible to recoup the pride and feelings of the offended former lover.
- It is best to police a hooligan who has obscenely insulted or used physical force with the help of the police. Evidence, witnesses, blow marks or slaps should be collected from an expert and boldly make a statement to the relevant authorities. Insolent will not be so sharp during conversations and interrogations. Trouble in the form of a fine and two months of trials he provided.
- If a person commits meanness regularly, you need to fully inform others about it. Let people know who they are dealing with. Over time, he will have almost no friends left who want to communicate with him. It should tell about his actions in social networks - this is a very effective way of disseminating information.
- If you know the abuser’s phone number, you can get him into trouble with unwanted calls.For example, leave his contacts on the site with announcements of spicy services. With the help of the dialer program, you can torture the caller by calling your mobile or home phone at any time of the day or night.
- The Internet and social networks give a lot of room for minor mischief. There you can disseminate incriminating information, photos and videos of obscene content. Some decide to crack the accounts of the offenders and thereby cause him trouble and excitement.
What can this lead to?
Before you take revenge for the offense, you should evaluate the possible consequences of the planned actions for yourself. In this case, referring to illegal actions, which so often want to resort. For example, drawing or damaging a car body, assault and public insults, weaning or stealing things and other such actions are, in terms of the law, crimes. After such actions, a person is quite entitled to apply to the relevant authorities ..
Brutally revenge a loved one, you can offend him for life and lose his trust forever.
You need to think about the unintended consequences of actions. All people are different and have a different stock of health and emotional self-control. Something that did not seem too serious can lead another to hysteria or cause a heart attack, provoke a stroke.
Useful tips
Deciding on vengeful actions, a person somewhat falls to the level of the offender. A small dirty dog, on the advice of specialists, should not be given even attention, since it feeds on an exaggerated reaction only and an overestimation of its negligible meanness.
In any cases of illegal actions, the best defense and revenge will be giving it publicity, contacting the police.
Before starting the vengeance plan, you need to honestly and consistently answer yourself a few questions.
- What real damage (material or moral) did I suffer because of the actions of this person?
- Do I really want and need to revenge my abuser?
- Why am I going to do such an act?
- What exactly in my actions should hurt him?
- What result do I want to see?
- Is my abuser worthy of such punishment?
- What are the possible consequences of my actions for me?
- Will my life really get better if I carry out my plans?
You should also seriously consider what changes the current, albeit unpleasant, situation has brought. Maybe it will push for some long-overdue decisions or work on yourself. Below is a simple example of a similar set of circumstances.
Beloved man threw a woman after several years of relationships, changing her and leading a double life before. Unhappiness and anger, unhappy for many weeks bore plans for revenge, having even managed to carry out several minor dirty tricks. During this period, she fell into depression, and her family persuaded her to turn to a specialist - psychotherapist.
The consultant offered her a different approach as revenge: look great, lose weight, buy beautiful clothes, change her image and have fun in her free time. The therapist convinced her that a charming appearance would be the best revenge for that man. Seeing her blooming, he will severely regret her deed.
The woman found the strength and began to actively work on herself, brought herself in perfect shape. She really began to often walk around the city, to visit cafes. However, she never met her ex. But once in the park she met another young man. Soon they began a relationship, and she forgot to think about revenge, as well as about her former partner.
To summarize briefly, the essence is this: it is possible that the situation directs you to another path, opening up new opportunities that have not been seen before. Events in our lives, including offensive ones, often give a signal to work on ourselves.