The birth of a relationship with a loved one is always wonderful: romantic meetings, first timid kisses, gifts and long walks around the city. But life is an ambiguous and non-rectilinear thing, not everything in it can be done exactly as desired or imagined. And now you know for sure that you cannot continue your relationship with this guy. There is nothing wrong with such a balanced decision, but there remains only one problem - how to tell the young man that you have to leave.
Eyes to eyes
The best and most respectful way to report that you break up is a calm, personal conversation. But it is he who demands great courage. Girls often can not decide to speak frankly with a young man and for a long time postpone such a conversation.
If you really had sincere feelings and a relationship of trust, do not be afraid. When meeting you in person, you will see the reaction of the guy and you’ll be able to pick the words better. Do not forget about his feelings - try to sincerely console him after you inform about his decision. For such a conversation, it is better not to choose the places that are dear to both of you and evoke any memories. Suit a quiet cafe or shop in the park. Set a time for a meeting when there will be a minimum of strangers around you.
Try to think about the words that you are going to say. You can even write a few options and choose the most gentle and tactful. Do not disguise the reason for parting with standard phrases like “you deserve the best and you will surely find one” or “I’m too bad for you and you’ll be disappointed in me”. Tell us about the reasons for parting honestly, but without unnecessary traumatic details, especially if there are feelings for another man.
Be calm when meeting and control your emotions. If your young man himself is emotional, let alone be firm. It happens that a guy at such moments is trying to manipulate and cause pity in order to get himself another chance. In this case, firmly repeat your decision, but do not hurt or repel rudely your former partner. Remember that for him your decision is unexpected - give him time to take it.
The mistake of many girls is too soft and ambiguous wording: “probably, we will no longer be together”, “most likely, I have found a new love”, “do not despair, it can still change”. Such ambiguity does not indicate the firmness of your decision, but gives the young man false hope. Do not take away from the ex-boyfriend the time he wants to spend trying to get you back. Yes, and you yourself will be hard to beat off SMS, calls and messages in social networks with various hints, invitations to cafes and other signs of attention.
In order to save both yours and his time, formulate your decision clearly and let him know that this is irreversible.
Revelation on paper
Somewhat outdated, but not as dry and formal as a text message, the way to tell a young person about a break in relations is a paper letter. If you could not decide to talk, put your thoughts on paper.
Why is this somewhat better than a short SMS? Firstly, in the note you will be able to more fully and volumetrically express thoughts and argue your decision. Secondly, the guy will know that you have spent time writing a letter, and it will not look like a banal short reply. This will show your respect for the former young man.
Yes, many of these ways of communication seem outdated.Here we must take into account the habits and worldview of your young man. If a paper letter, dropped into a box or transmitted through mutual friends, is unacceptable in your case, it is possible to modernize your message.
An alternative is to send a message via e-mail or private messages to social networks. But do not be too brief. Try to speak as if you were right next to the young man and talked with him personally.
Talking on the phone
Your voice and your intonation will say better typed letters. You can replace a personal meeting with a phone call and remote conversation.
The guy after voicing the decision on parting may have questions to which you answer him, being in touch with him.
To the telephone conversation is also worth preparing. As in the case of a personal meeting, to make up your mind about what unpleasant news you tell your young man. Tactfully and calmly tell him that you are not satisfied.
Through mutual friends
Immediately it is worth making a reservation that it is the most undesirable option to put a message on you saying that you want to part with a young man. Not only will they find out about this before him, so even at the end, you don’t even deign your ex-boyfriend with any attention. However, in some cases, girls resort to this method of breaking. They fear excessively violent reactions or excessive emotions, protecting themselves from similar things in this way.
If you do decide on this option, it is better to turn to his friends, more precisely, for the best friend. A good friend is closest to your boyfriend emotionally - he will definitely try to do it in the most gentle way and will be able to support if necessary.
Do not communicate your decision to a wide range of people. Talk alone with the closest person with whom your boyfriend has the most trusting relationships. Briefly explain to him the reasons that he can pass them on.
To help yourself and him
- Do not delay in order to inform the guy about your decision, because all this time you will have to lie and pretend. In addition, by delaying the separation, you steal time from your young man for experiencing and emotional recovery after the end of the relationship.
- If a guy blackmails you with suicide or other serious actions, do not provoke him, but do not rush to fulfill his demands unconditionally. Chat with his friends and parents, find out his real state. Perhaps this is just a demonstrative attempt at blackmail and manipulation. Otherwise, report his words and intentions to close people. They will be able to make an objective decision on the advisability of applying to psychological services.
- Do not slander, do not gossip about your ex. He revealed secret secrets and weaknesses only to you, because he trusted. He does not deserve their general declassification in the circle of your mutual friends.
- If you are really confident in your decision, do not stop yourself after parting. Not all relationships are destined to develop into a long family union. But you still could not deceive and pretend for many years. Having broken off relations in which you do not see prospects, you give a chance and the right for your boyfriend to a new life.
- Try to reduce any contacts and reminders about yourself to the ex-boyfriend. Give it time to cool.
- Sometimes a young man after parting tries to go for a ruse: he offers to remain friends and continue the conversation. This option is very good, because you have known each other for a long time, and it makes no sense to completely break off any communication. However, be careful: perhaps during a “friendly” meeting or correspondence, the young man will still act as a suitor. And this will stretch the time of parting and take away from you both a lot of moral strength.
In the case of a friendship offer, tell the guy that you don't mind talking in the future. However, in the near future, it is still better to exclude contacts in order to accept each other in a new capacity and adjust their personal lives.
