Living with a jealous husband sooner or later becomes a big problem for his wife. Many women are interested to know where this destructive feeling comes from, whether it is possible to help a spouse to get rid of unreasonable jealousy, how to behave with a jealous person, which absolutely cannot be done.
Reasons for jealousy
Psychologists distinguish proprietary, reflected and restrained jealousy.
- The first type implies a desire to lead, turn the wife into a property, in fact, assign yourself the identity of another person. The husband is trying to deprive the spouse of her familiar society, completely subordinate to his will. There is a fear of losing a wife not because of a deadly disease, but because of a sense of ownership, a desire to possess another person. The spouse must belong to him completely.
- Unfaithful husbands often project their treason on the chosen one. A slight change in her behavior causes a lot of suspicion. The spouse is alarming, begins to look for signs of infidelity, the reflection effect makes him suffer. He can not understand that all speculation about adultery - the fruit of violent fantasy.
- The feeling of infringement often leads a man to tyranny. He tries to achieve self-affirmation at the expense of the second half. The main reason for the disadvantaged type of male jealousy is self-doubt. The fear that his beautiful and intelligent darling can go to a more successful and attractive man, leads to total control.
Jealousy can manifest itself in the demand from the wife of an explanation of where and with whom she was in the evening. To a truthful answer, a jealous husband responds with disbelief, starts calling her friends or her parents to make sure that his wife really stayed with them.
Education and the level of intelligence will not save a man from the appearance of jealousy. All are subject to this feeling. Moderate jealousy of a loving person does not represent any threat, does not bear destructive action. The husband loves his wife very much, trusts her, but some moments deduce the spouse to a little jealousy. It is believed that the feeling is able to bring a fresh impetus to the relationship.
Sometimes husbands exercise control over their wife gently, unobtrusively. They spend a lot of time in communication with his wife, escorted to work, escorted to the store, met with all events. The wife feels surrounded by care and attention.
There are pathological jealous people who can constantly experience a feeling of mistrust, doubts, quick-tempered and suspicious. The basis of excessive jealousy is anger, suspiciousness, resentment, fear, hatred of the opponent. The husband cannot cope with the jealousy that overcomes him. Turbulent emotions are eating away at feelings, killing love.
The cause of the destructive feeling may be excessive guardianship in childhood. A man gets used to being the center of the universe when the whole world is concentrated around him. He constantly basks in parental love, tenderness, feels constant care. His wife gave him more freedom than he always had, the world collapses, the man was not used to independence. A wise woman can help get out of the illusory life.
The difference in age, social status can also provoke the emergence of unfounded jealousy. Cheating in the husband’s parental home may adversely affect the married couple’s family life. The cause of jealousy may be the infidelity of the previous chosen one.Unsuccessful experience is projected on the relationship with the current wife, the thought of a secret betrayal of the spouse creeps in.
Jealousy can arise not only in relation to the spouse.
To child
The appearance of the baby in the family is often reflected in the relationship of the married couple. Attention beloved woman focuses on the baby. A husband who lacks feminine warmth feels abandoned. Cooling intimate relationships does not suit the spouse, he is jealous of his wife for his son or daughter.
To solve the problem will help the active involvement of men in fatherhood. Tenderness and caress should be evenly distributed between the husband and baby.
To the past
Sometimes the husband is jealous of his wife for past relationships, even in the event of the death of the previous chosen spouse. The man begins to think that he was better, more interesting, more successful. It is necessary to make a lot of effort to convince her husband of his superiority over the former.
With no reason
There are cases of mistreatment of his wife due to strong, completely unfounded jealousy. Some men begin uncontrollable paranoia, they follow every step of the wife, arranges interrogations with predilection. Then there may be a beating with the purpose of knocking out confessions of treason that the spouse did not commit. It is very difficult to resist unreasonable jealousy.
How to behave with your husband?
Living with a jealous person is difficult. You need to initially set yourself up to correct the situation. You can gradually eradicate jealousy, you will need a lot of patience, you should talk more often with your beloved, all the questions of the faithful should be answered in a calm tone. Answers should not contain ambiguity and hidden overtones.
The wise behavior of his wife will minimize the provoking reasons. On painful interrogations, hints of infidelity must be answered calmly, without irritation. A detailed story about the day spent, the impressions received should reassure her husband a little. Spouse awareness helps to avoid unpleasant consequences.
The problem will help cope increased attention to the spouse. You need to convince your husband with all your behavior that he is your only and most desirable man in life. Romantic dinners, surprises need to be systematically organized by a jealous spouse.
It is advisable to always share with your spouse your plans for the whole day; you should inform your husband regularly about your location. We stayed at work, got stuck in traffic, met a friend - call your betrothed right away so that he does not worry.
It is best to be in constant communication with your chosen one, with the help of various instant messengers. Periodically inform him that you miss him, make compliments, admire his successes, you need to motivate and inspire her husband.
When a sense of rivalry arises towards your own child, a wise woman will allow the spouse to feel like the head of the family. She will listen to his opinion, matrimonial dialogue should not always be reduced to a baby. Taking care of the betrothed should not go into the background, it is good when the wife totally trusts the child to the young father. It is very important to find time for a trip to a cafe, guests, or a movie, leaving the kid with her grandmother or girlfriend. It is necessary to support the man in failures, defeats and in all undertakings.
What not to do?
It is unacceptable to deliberately display the spouse to jealousy in order to refresh the senses. One must be indulgent and patient with a loved one. In a fit of jealousy, a man can turn into an angry lion. Under no circumstances is it recommended to compare the spouse with other men. Drawing a parallel between the positive qualities, decisive and skillful actions of the husband of a friend and the less attractive features of her spouse will arouse the suspicion and anger of your chosen one.
No need to praise a colleague who helped you solve a difficult problem in the workplace. A jealous spouse will immediately come to mind that you are connected not only with business relations.
To tell a jealous man about his former relationship is strictly prohibited. His male ego will be hurt. It is best to introduce your husband personally to former classmates and friends; it is not recommended to spend time with them in the absence of your second half.
Flirting with other men in the presence of the husband is excluded, it is necessary to control their behavior and not to stare at other representatives of the stronger sex. You should not wear mini-skirts and clothes with a deep neckline on the event, which will not be your second half.
Can I get rid of the problem?
If you understand the logic of the behavior of a jealous husband, then it is easy to deal with his overwhelming feeling. It is impossible to completely correct a person, but it is quite possible to smooth out attacks of jealousy. Jealous men are torturers and martyrs at the same time, it is difficult for them, but you can save your husband from any doubts.
Care, love, attention, the ability to find a compromise, in time to calm a suspicious husband will help improve relationships. You can fight with jealousy with the help of a sincere smile, humor, jokes. It is advisable to explain to her husband that his many advantages far exceed the merits of his friends, acquaintances, colleagues, relatives.
Try to divide the work on the elimination of the problem into 3 stages.
- During the period of accusation of infidelity, one should not justify and reject. It is necessary to calm the husband, to let him understand that, apart from him, you do not need anyone.
- In response to insults and bullying of the spouse, it is necessary to point out the lack of logic of his suspicions. It is necessary to keep a calm tone.
- Together, try to understand the dramatic situations of your betrayed past life, link the events that once wounded him with the present moment.
It is advisable for an Orthodox couple to attend the temple, to perform the Sacraments of Confession and Communion. Joint visits to the temple contribute to the consolidation of the family, the eradication of negative thoughts. The initiative to go through the Sacrament of Wedding should come from the wife, the husband will be convinced of the desire of his wife to be with him on earth and in heaven.
To cope with the problem will also help a family psychologist, who will determine the cause of the destructive feelings, will choose the tactics of behavior.
Psychologist tips
Any delay in his wife from work, a missed phone call, other insignificant moments can provoke outbursts of jealous aggression. Compliments of other men to the beautiful and clever wife make the jealous husband think that he has a rival. A straightforward conversation with a husband will help to correct the situation. A joint search for the cause of unjustified jealousy will provide an opportunity to develop a scenario for the elimination of unpleasant situations. All efforts should be aimed at strengthening the faith in the loyalty and reliability of the second half.
If the jealous man closes, you need to easily bring him to the conversation, find out all doubts, if he leaves the conversation, you should not put pressure on the partner. Your task: to prevent the looming conflict, find a compromise solution and return the harmony in the relationship.
In the presence of strangers, one should speak of a husband with great respect. Relatives, friends, colleagues should feel in your spouse a decent person. He will know about it, self-esteem will increase. Favorable effect is inevitable: trust and lasting relationships are guaranteed.