Moderate jealousy in relationships even flatters and is perceived as a demonstration of indifference and love on the part of a young man. The manifestation of attention is always pleasant, but sometimes the girl understands that she got too jealous guy. Causes and signs of jealousy, how to avoid it, and what to look for - you can learn about it from the article.
The reasons
Excessive jealousy does not benefit the relationship. At the heart of suspicion may be different factors. The most common cause is low self-esteem. At heart, a jealous guy is unsure that he is worthy to be with such a good girl; his own complexes cause him constant feeling of discomfort and uncertainty.
Trying to hide it, a young man can make scenes of jealousy. Men with such problems can demonstratively give signs of attention to their lady and literally do not leave her when the couple is in the company of friends, in a restaurant or at a party.
Another common option is owner syndrome. This guy starts to think that the girl belongs to him, and she is not entitled to any rights and freedoms. He can try to control personal correspondence, trips and meetings with friends, indicate how to dress, with whom to communicate. Such behavior suggests that he does not see the personality of a girl and is not able to understand that every person should have the right of choice. It is better to stay away from such a guy, because people with such views are often prone to assault, if something pulls them out of themselves.
If the guy is jealous too much, in some cases this means that he is simply afraid of losing his chosen one. The more fear - the more suspicion appears, especially if over time in a relationship, not everything goes smoothly. The young man may fear a frank conversation about the problems, fearing to hear that the girl wants to part with him, so she does not make attempts to start a constructive dialogue, but only throws herself at unsubstantiated charges, succumbing to outbursts of jealousy.
The problem may lie in the behavior of the girl herself. If she dresses up quite provocatively, flirts with other men and encourages her fans to flirt, this casts doubt on her intentions to build a serious relationship, because everything looks like she is looking for new acquaintances.
Perhaps the girl and the young man have different ideas about the acceptable framework of decency. This may be the result of a different upbringing, character, views on life. If a girl is used to spending a lot of time in a male company, then a guy can get it wrong. In such a situation, jealousy may arise because of a misunderstanding, therefore, it will be necessary to discuss everything together and designate permissible boundaries.
Some guys are jealous because they judge by themselves. Such is their psychology, they are not shy about changing their darling, so they are sure that she is doing the same. These men think that loyalty does not exist, and they change everything, they just don’t say it out loud. It is extremely difficult to convince such people. Jealousy may arise from negative experiences in a young person’s life. If he already had unsuccessful relationships, in which there was treason on the part of the girl, he may fear the repetition of this story.
Sometimes suspicion is a manifestation of too violent fantasy. Such a person in his head there are certain scenes that overshadow reality, in the end he can begin to accuse the girl of romantic attachment to the best friend or her past boyfriend, or even to the actors that she likes. If such a guy was jealous, then it will not be easy to convince him. Even worse, when a man with a rich imagination takes a great interest in alcohol, under the influence of a drunk he will completely cease to objectively evaluate what is happening and may begin to perform unsightly acts.
How to understand what is jealous?
It is not always immediately noticeable that the guy is jealous. Some males may make loud scandals, rushing charges, but most are accustomed to not show their emotions. This may be the cause of upbringing, because boys often express disapproval of open expression of feelings, so when they grow up, men prefer to keep everything in themselves so as not to become objects of ridicule. However, emotions do not disappear anywhere, and hidden jealousy torments the young man.
There are some signs by which one can understand that a man is jealous, even if he thinks that he is carefully hiding everything.
- Searches for evidence. The guy starts to view the lists of friends in social networks, to study who comments on the entries and puts likes, trying to read personal correspondence in the phone, constantly wondering who it was called. He suspects something and is now trying to find evidence to verify this.
- Manipulations. A girl who is about to go to a meeting with friends can hear: “And I thought we would be together today,” after which she, of course, will stay at home. Only now the guy, as if nothing had happened, returns to his business, because this phrase was only a pretext not to let the chosen one go to the meeting.
- Moods and bad mood. He is constantly dissatisfied with something, although there were no open quarrels and conflicts in the pair. The man is offended, does not want to talk, or rather rudely answers, but does not admit that he is worried about.
- Constant inquiries. A guy may be interested in a joke, if the girl has a lover, if someone at work has molested her, but repeating questions of such content make it clear that he is jealous.
Even if he denies everything, without showing his emotions, it is possible to learn from these signs that jealousy does not give him peace. If you communicate a lot on the Internet, then by correspondence you can also notice that not everything is in order.
As a rule, guys in such a situation become more withdrawn, reluctant to respond to messages, or, conversely, ask too many questions about your activity in social networks.
How to avoid jealousy?
To avoid unnecessary accusations and quarrels, first of all start with yourself and analyze your behavior. Perhaps you like attention and are accustomed to unknowingly flirt with others, which takes the guy out of himself. This does not mean that you need to urgently gather in a monastery and stop all contact with other men, just try for the sake of experiment to behave more restrained. If you like candid outfits, try to choose a less defiant wardrobe, and sexuality is better to show at home, alone with your beloved.
No need to try to deliberately provoke a man, ostensibly in order to check his feelings. Such advice does not work and only cause problems in the relationship and the constant suspicion of the guy.
If you do not see in your behavior anything that might cause jealousy, but he still throws accusations, no need to try to invent excuses. For him, this can be a sign confirming all suspicions, because if justified, then there is something to hide. It is better in such a situation to ignore the meticulous inquiries and keep a calmness.
Do not forget to be attentive to him, to say that you love him, to make compliments. Not only women like it, men also want to hear nice words addressed to themselves.Praise his skills and abilities, make it clear that without him you would be very difficult to cope with something, so that he feels needed. Give a compliment to the appearance, for example, mark a good physical form, if he visits the gym, let him see that you appreciate his efforts. Convince the elect that he is the best and unique for you, then he will have no reason to be jealous.
If you are late at work, tell him about it, because his anxiety can be caused not only by jealousy, but also by the fact that he is worried and worried when you are not at home at a later time. Tell him about the meetings you plan to attend without him, and do not be offended if he decides to call you at this time. Pick up the phone and calmly talk to him to dispel suspicions, but a disconnected phone can be a cause for a quarrel.
Tell him that his jealousy and constant suspicions hurt you. Do not blame him and do not say that he is bad, focus on your feelings. Feel free to speak out and admit that you are upset and upset, it hurts you to hear unreasonable accusations, you feel depressed because of such words from a loved one. Any adequate man does not want to make the girl suffer.
Psychology tips
To deal with jealousy and causes, you need to understand the motives of this phenomenon, so psychologists are advised to try to build a dialogue with a guy and discuss this issue. Many men are rather reluctant to talk about their feelings, so on the part of the girl it is important to show delicacy and patience. Perhaps the guy will need help to cope with their fears or complexes, which lead to outbursts of jealousy. Try to convince him that together you will be able to overcome everything, but for this you need to discuss the problems that have arisen, and not to close in yourself.
Try to communicate more often, discuss various issues and life situations. This will benefit relations, teach you to build a dialogue and help develop trust, which in a couple plays a very important role. Share your thoughts with the guy - your openness will help dispel his suspicions. If a young man does not manage to independently fight complexes, suggest him to seek help from a psychologist. The main thing is to do it tactfully so that he feels your support and care.
Unfortunately, in some cases, success will not work. The jealous simply does not want to change, listen to the words and look for some compromises. He is convinced that he is right and will continue to harass you with reproaches, whatever you do. In such a situation, nothing remains but to break this relationship. Any girl does not deserve life with a pathological jealous man, because this situation will turn into a continuous torment.
If he not only doesn’t want to change, but also makes scandals that reach for assault, this is a weighty reason to break off all relations with him right away. No man has the right to raise a woman’s hand, and if he was able to hit you once, it will be repeated.
That is why it is better to immediately pack your bags and leave. You can ask for help from your brother, friend or father, who will be able to stand up for you and protect the jealous man from the intrusive attention.
For the main causes of jealousy and what to do about it, see the next video.