Should you make a guy jealous if you want to build a serious relationship with him?

If you look at women's forums and magazines, you start to get the impression that without jealousy it’s impossible to kindle a flame of passion in a man. Girls and women seriously advise each other "to make him jealous and tormented." Is it worth it and how not to go over the edge, this article will tell.

Healthy, dosed jealousy can really refresh the relationship, give them a piquancy, mark the partner the value of the chosen one. But do not forget that jealousy is a very dangerous feeling, and its consequences can be unpredictable.

It’s usually a question of whether to make a boyfriend (husband) jealous, girls and women ask when they feel they don’t like them enough, they are not as important as they would like, they are valued, they are not afraid to lose them. It is here that you need to stop and think well - after all, all of the above seems to you, it was thought up by you, that are your expectations, which to some extent are not met. Maybe it's easier to reduce the claims?

The second question that a woman has to ask herself before she starts developing a cunning plan to challenge jealousy in a partner - and why does she need it? Try to answer it, but avoid formulations like: “Because he is so-and-so.” The question is what is required, and not why. The answer should be as honest as possible. Look at him detachedly, perhaps he will be so disgusting that all desire to cause jealousy will disappear by itself.

A woman who tries to cause jealousy in a partner sincerely believes that it will positively affect the relationshipthat a man will instantly review everything and will be afraid to lose it. That is, the girl makes a man jealous to improve relationships. But in practice, this is not always the case. With high probability, such actions will be detrimental to your relationship, especially if you plan to live with this man a long and happy life, raise children, build a house.

Relationships will die gradually, because jealousy is dangerous precisely because of its long-term perspective - when relationships in a marriage become habitual, passion fades out, enough minor offenses accumulate, it can remind you of this non-existent rival you created yourself. This is how pathological paranoid jealousy develops, how marriages break up and lives collapse.

Jealousy has an effect similar to a tsunami. And it has nothing to do with love. The claims that “jealous means love” do not correspond to the truth.

Men are quite insightful, and it would be a mistake to consider them uncouth. They quickly distinguish manipulation from other motives. If a woman tries to test her feelings for strength in order to satisfy her own ambitions, they quickly figure it out.Needless to say that there is no question of trust in such relationships. Men do not want to be victims of manipulation, they usually decide not to marry women who have been convicted of manipulation at least once.

Jealousy at a distance is also not the best option, as the ladies think. Such situations, even thought out to the smallest detail and directed, can form a partner's opinion forever - he will no longer trust, believing that a woman will continue to receive signs of attention from other men. And every time when he or his companion will need to leave for business or pleasure, he will be tormented by doubts that he clearly will not benefit the relationship.

There is only one situation in which male jealousy will be normal. This is if you are not married yet, and if a woman has absolutely not done anything to artificially cause or provoke jealousy. At the stage of courtship, the man himself feels like a match.

But here from the woman naturalness in behavior is required. No need to hide that you communicate with other men, but it should not advertise. You shouldn’t talk about it yourself, but in a conversation such information can come up and sound natural. It’s not a fact that a man will be jealous, but it will be quite normal jealousy created by nature, in which there is nothing pathological.

If all of the above is not convinced, and really want to give your beloved a little emotional shake, let's consider the most common reasons for jealousy in a couple and assess whether it is possible to act intentionally in these situations.

Jealousy is a feeling generously mixed with the fear of losing, losing, ceasing to possess. The reasons for this feeling can be any number. Men are naturally arranged so that it is important for them to win, to win, and women have learned to use this feature of the representatives of the stronger sex. The main thing is not to overdo it.

There are several proven methods, but not all will do if not a fleeting bright relationship is planned, but a strong and serious marriage.

A woman who suddenly changed her image, dressed up and walks a beautiful and mysterious, very intriguing man. Some are beginning to wonder out loud about what happened, while others are silent and in their souls going through versions of the reasons for the miraculous transformation. The method is excellent, useful, non-violent. Questions can be answered evasively or even limited to the smile of Mona Lisa, to laugh it off.

Transformation will benefit a woman - raise self-esteem, she will take upon herself the admiring glance of her partner and other menIt is possible that someone else's views will accidentally intercept the object of heartache. Then the effect for him will increase many times. The worst thing you can do is the female answer to the male question: "This is all for you." Such answers discourage men, reduce their internal competition.

Pretty dubious way. A woman who, even before marriage, often lingers at work, in the eyes of a man is not an ideal candidate for a spouse, because few people like to make lonely dumplings after a working day while the wife is busy with her work issues. Therefore, attempts to cause jealousy messages that need to stay at work, not too thoughtful. Of course, a man will not break relations only because of this (although it happens), but he will not be in a hurry to make an offer.

If you are not married, not bound by certain agreements and duties, then there is nothing unusual about this - the woman has the full right to communicate with her friends without her man. She can not take a chosen one to a friend, and this will not only cause a feeling of jealousy from an adequate man, but will not become a cause for insult. Now, if a man rolls up on this scene, you need to think about, and whether it is worth building a relationship with him, because when it comes to marriage, such a person will do everything so that you do not have friends, because he will try to control every step.

It is strongly recommended not to deceive a man (even if the deception is pre-arranged). If a woman goes to her friend, and then does everything so that he doubts exactly where she was, good will not work: this is a reason for a man to doubt his chosen one.

There is also a downside for leisure activities separately: if you now prefer to communicate with your friends and girlfriends without a chosen one, then it is possible that he will not want to introduce you to his friends. Will such a relationship be complete? Probably not.

This way to cause jealousy subconsciously, not having sufficient life experience, use everything, but mainly in childhood, at school. For the first love, other ways are unfamiliar and inaccessible. But for mature adults, this method is unacceptable. A girl or woman who openly flirts with other men in front of her own partner, even if they are not tied up by marriage, risks losing her partner forever.

Not every man will suffer the torments of jealousy, not everyone will rush to you with flowers and a wedding ring. Many in such situations react care. Not because they can not or do not want to compete with others, but because they simply do not see the point: a woman who willingly accepts the courtship of other men, in their opinion, will not be the best spouse and mother of children.

In social networks, as many believe, it is allowed more than in life. Virtual space is very difficult to regulate. Some use their activity in social networks and in order to find love, and in order to “correct” it. Men perceive social networks as a projection of reality, and therefore liberties in correspondence, which a woman can afford on the Internet with a view to then they reach the elect, they will be regarded as the same as flirting with men in reality.

On the one hand, there is nothing terrible in the fact that a woman “likes” a photo of another man, writes a neutral comment on his post or videotape, but on the other hand, this is the paradox of “likes” - they influence the psyche too much. This can spoil the relationship, although a strong, self-sufficient and intelligent man who grew up from adolescence simply does not pay attention to such trifles.

Ignoring a person who absolutely did not do anything bad to you can be very offensive. And certainly will not help improve relationships. If the chosen one has committed a rash, in your opinion, act, then ignoring in any case does not solve the current problem.

The decision not to notice a person and his attempts to talk is a departure from reality. Relationships cannot improve if partners do not have the opportunity to discuss what they care about.But ignoring can even ruin a very calm man. It is hard to say what he will do. Much depends on his temperament, upbringing, personal character traits, and life experience. Some, after several attempts to talk, simply leave everything as it is, and then the woman herself will have to think how to get out of a difficult situation. With a good mine in a bad game, this will be almost impossible.

Gifts are unknown from whom, and even if it is known who they are from, you can only accept them. These occasions include birthday, birthday, New Year and other special occasions. But even if the gifts are justified, they should not be too expensive, otherwise it will cause suspicion of your chosen one. Even the elementary rules of etiquette prohibit accepting expensive gifts from people with whom you are not close or related.

Jealousy is also dangerous because it causes addiction as a powerful drug. Gradually, the desire to tickle the nerves of the partner will be increasingly strong, and then the woman will begin to turn every incomprehensible situation in the relationship into a method of manipulating jealousy. Gradually, the partner will become dependent on jealousy, because after it there are violent and emotional reconciliation. Such a state can bring a person to madness.

It is very difficult at the beginning of a relationship to distinguish a normal jealous from a pathological one. Jealousy in both cases begins with trifles, it is unobtrusive, it does not interfere with any of the partners and introduces a certain variety in their relationship. But then everything can become complicated - the partner will begin to be jealous for no reason, will not hear your attempts to explain and justify, gradually it will turn into a paranoid or manic disorder, and then you cannot do without the help of a qualified psychiatrist.

Pathological jealousy is treated with great difficulty, and it is almost impossible to maintain a family and normal relations with such a jealous man. In addition, the share of aggressive jealousy accounts for up to 70% of all murder.

You can never predict in advance what effect the artificial jealousy you have created in the partner’s psyche will cause. If in childhood he had a lack of parental love, if you had a negative experience with the betrayal of a beloved woman, if he had low self-esteem, the effect can be overwhelming, but not at all what you want. Instead of building strong relationships, you will destroy them, undermine the very foundations of any healthy relationship - trust and intimacy.

A good psychologist who wishes you well will never advise a man to cause jealousy in one way or another. But there are recommendations that will help maintain the interest of the partner in a completely natural way, without pathological feelings that can destroy both the relationship and the health of the participants in the events.

• Have a private space. Never allow anyone to encroach on him. Your space is the area of ​​your interests and hobbies, your friends, your work, goals and personal growth. Respecting yourself and your partner will accept them as their own. Attempts by the man to limit the personal space of the woman, ridicule her goals and hobbies, bans on communicating with friends is an alarming sign of the future home tyrant who will turn your life into hell without jealousy.
• Men do not like "sweet". Too often, talking to a representative of a strong sex about love, writing touching SMS, calling 10 times a day with confessions, and faithfully like a dog during meetings, looking into his eyes is a sure way to end the relationship as soon as possible.Sooner or later (rather sooner), the man will be bored, and he will find another, who does not try to plunge him headlong into the field of his own love experiences.
• A woman does not have to tell everything about herself - the lack of mystery and the veil of mystery in a woman very quickly makes a man cool to her. Especially you should avoid the details of past relationships - the former for a man is also a competitor.

• Be yourself and let your partner be you. It is not necessary to seem better or worse in order to interest the representative of the stronger sex. His psychology denies pretense, men are more straightforward. So, allow yourself that which was allowed before the appearance of this person in your life - a change of mood, for example. If she is rational, non-hysterical, then this will keep the man "in good shape."
• Do not flirt with his friends. It will end badly, and even if the man himself does not make you a scene because of this, his friends will remember for a long time, including in his presence, that he obviously lost his temper with the choice of a friend.
• The most destructive advice that can be found - the rejection of intimacy. Yes, such actions on the part of women will certainly cause a violent reaction. But this is so deliberate manipulation, then it is not visible unless it is blind and weak-minded. Men are painful about manipulations in matters of intimate life, do not tempt fate.

American satirist and journalist Henry Louis Mencken, who was admired by the best minds of mankind, once gave advice to all the beautiful ladies. He wrote the following: “If you want to keep a man, make him a little jealous. To lose him, make him jealous a little more. ” This is the main principle.