Matchmaking: traditions and features of

In the modern world, the tradition of matchmaking does not play an important role in the marriage of lovers. But earlier, without this ceremony, no wedding took place. In the old days, matchmaking was the main and most important part of the betrothal of lovers' hearts. And today, parents of spouses for the first time can meet and meet only at the wedding. In Russia, for the ceremony of matchmaking, the groom chose a specific date when you can ask for the blessing of the parents of his chosen one. Now nobody pays attention to this nuance, and the day of matchmaking is mainly scheduled for Saturday or Sunday.

Matchmaking is a tradition that originates from the times of ancient Russia. According to custom, the bridegroom, along with the matchmakers, should make a formal offer to the girl, initially having received the consent of her parents for the marriage. This procedure takes place in an intimate setting, among relatives on both sides, without the intervention of unauthorized persons.

Matchmakers themselves are relatives of the bride and groom, who are their representatives at this event. In the old days, only the closest relatives were appointed by the matchmakers; this could be the parents' blood parents or godparents. At the very least, professional matchmakers were invited to play matchmakers. The main task of the matchmakers from the groom was to serve their ward with the best of it. But besides this, they needed to find out more information about the bride's family, about the dowry and personal qualities, about which the girl could be silent.

Modern matchmaking is the appearance of the groom in front of the bride's parents with a request to allow the young to marry. The decision itself, of course, is taken by the lovers, but in order to present themselves to the relatives of the bride from the positive side, it is best to take advantage of the traditions. Incidentally, in our day, the groom does not necessarily come to the relatives of his girlfriend with matchmakers. After some time, the brides' relatives go to the groom's house in order to conduct an official acquaintance with the newly made relatives.

In the distant past, special attention was paid to matchmaking. This tradition was the most serious procedure, rather than preparing for the conclusion of a marriage union. Basically the rite was practiced by the groom, but there were cases when matchmakers went to the guy on behalf of their daughter.

According to the rules of matchmaking, the young man reported that he had found the darling for himself and wanted to marry her. In some cases, the bridegroom's parents themselves selected a suitable bride for their son, explaining that it was time for the guy to start a family. If the bride chooses the bridegroom's liking, then the task of the matchmakers is to collect detailed information about the girl herself, her family, what dowry they are entitled to and much more.

The process of matchmaking itself took place with all the subtleties and nuances. Matchmakers went to the house to the bride, waiting for the sunset.And here it should immediately be noted that during the journey to the home of the chosen one, the representatives of the groom are not supposed to see anyone, much less talk. Otherwise, the matchmaking procedure may be jinxed. Before crossing the threshold of the future bride's house, the matchmaker is obliged to lean against the doorway.

According to Russian traditions, it was necessary to conduct matchmaking on special days of the calendar. For example, during the period of fast it is strictly forbidden to ask for blessings from relatives of the beloved. The number 13, from which blows negative energy, also belongs to the category of forbidden days. After the representatives of the groom crossed the threshold of his lover's house, the most interesting began. The conversation about the upcoming wedding began from afar. For this it was necessary to say the key phrase: “you have a product, we have a merchant”. Although such phrases in Russia could not be considered, this wording was the most sought after.

The girl did not take any part in the negotiations between future relatives. She had to be silent, sometimes change her attire, while putting on all the best. And the hairstyle with each dressing changed. Sometimes the matchmakers had a desire to see the bride's mastery skills, for example, how she knits or weaves lace. In this case, the girl presented her own work for everyone to see.

In the process of communication, the relatives of both sides tried to tell and describe only the most positive qualities of their wards. In this list there were not only spiritual qualities, but also the material part. By the way, financial responsibility for the well-being of the future family was entirely assigned to the men's shoulders. The girl was responsible for peace, beauty, warmth, cleanliness and comfort of the family nest.

To give a positive answer at the first visit of the matchmakers was considered a rash act. Although there are some exceptions, for example, if the girl was not from a rich family or her age crossed the margins of acceptable marriage. In these cases, waiting for the second visit of the matchmakers was a stupid decision. But for girls from rich families to choose the right candidate is extremely difficult. The opinion of the daughter may not agree with the opinion of her parents, and constant visits to matchmakers from different men often led to similar differences.

After making a positive decision, the relatives of the bride make a return visit to the groom. They carefully inspect the future son-in-law mansions in order to understand the conditions in which their daughter will move after the marriage has been concluded. And only after that the talk about the wedding itself begins. This custom in Russian was called “go to the head”, where mainly the real estate of the future son-in-law was considered.

The positive decision of the bride's parents was expressed in different forms. For example, if they accepted the loaf brought by the matchmakers. In fact, in Russia there were many ways to express your consent or refusal, without uttering words. The groom's relatives came to woo the bride, expecting a positive response, but did not always get what they wanted. In case of refusal, the bride's parents handed over a watermelon or pumpkin to the matchmakers. Sometimes just put out the door in rude form. After these actions about the bride and her relatives went into disrepute.

Modern matchmaking is treated somewhat simpler, especially for residents of large megalopolises.Matchmakers of the groom, or rather, his close relatives very rarely can take advantage of traditional speeches of custom and certainly do not arrange mass events with theatrical scenes. Only one phrase has reached our days: “you have goods, we have a merchant”. Yet modern matchmaking is somewhat reminiscent of the ancient rite.

Before going to the house to his future wife, a man acquires several bouquets of beautiful flowers, which upon arrival he presents to his mother, sister and grandmother. The groom himself can order a special flower arrangement for the bride himself. Matchmakers, who are relatives of the groom, should have special gifts with them, for example, sweets in a beautiful package or a basket of fruits and an elite alcoholic drink. In addition, the groom or his mother should give the bride a special gift. It can be a necklace or a family heirloom of the family of the future husband.

Both parents of the girl are required to give something special that will leave a pleasant impression and be kept for a long memory. This nuance is best agreed in advance with the bride. A photo album, a house amulet, handmade candles and other similar items can be a gift. The rules of matchmaking state that after the meeting of matchmakers they should be held at the laid table and at the meal they should discuss the main reason for the meeting - the wedding.

Analyzing the nuances of modern matchmaking, first of all I recall the festive loaf. Matchmakers from the groom must bear pastries, laid on the embroidered towel in their hands. This sign offers the bride to move to the groom's house. It should be noted that the loaf, like a special guest of the holiday, is always present at the event and is eaten at the very end. According to another tradition, future relatives, namely, the matchmakers of the bridegroom and the parents of the bride, are tied with benchmarks. But not everyone uses this rite.

In modern times, the groom did not stop going to matchmaking with empty hands. Flowers for ladies, gift souvenirs for relatives of the bride and pleasant trifles for any occasion must be present in the guy's pocket. To make the holiday a success, the event scenario should be prepared and worked out in detail. An experienced matchmaker will help create a detailed action plan. In this case, modern matchmaking will be held at the highest level.

Before going to matchmaking, the groom's relatives should prepare special words for the bride's parents. They must introduce themselves, the groom and clarify the essence of their visit. After the welcome stage, guests pass to the house, where conversations about the upcoming celebration begin. Understanding the seriousness of the event, matchmakers should conduct any conversations about the wedding smoothly, but at the same time do not set the specifics. Veiled phrases will lead to a greater understanding of future relatives.

In fact, the conversations as hints originate from the time of Rus. So in case of failure of the bride's parents, the groom was not so offended. Yes, and the reputation of the girls, this decision does not hit. Since matchmaking was an indispensable element of a wedding ceremony, only a few phrases have reached our days, for example:

• “The matchmaker does not travel with truth”;
• “Matchmaker first cup and first stick”;
• "You will wonder how to give the girl."

For each participant in the matchmaking prescribed their own role. The main part of the work lies on the shoulders of the matchmakers from the groom. They should be fun and positive about the outcome. In no case, matchmakers can not talk about the bride or her relatives compromising facts.

Having gone to the girl's house, the bride's parents invite the matchmakers to the laid table. In addition to the masterpieces of culinary art, there are strong drinks on the table.Since ancient times, the tradition of matchmaking accompanies the belief that matchmakers should not give up alcohol, thereby confirming the fact of respect and confidence in the bride. The main thing, without fanaticism, so as not to spoil the holiday in love.

The groom himself must behave with restraint, he should not contradict and even more so demand something. The only thing he needs is to achieve the location of the bride's parents, thereby receiving their blessings. The bride, in turn, should sit in silence and only observe the entire procession. Previously, the custom required the constant disguise of the girl in the most beautiful outfits, today you can refuse it.

The modern way allows to deviate a little from the official traditions of matchmaking. To make the holiday perfect, the best option would be to prepare and write a script, where everyone will be assigned a special role. To date, comic scenarios are very popular, especially for residents of big cities. The picture looks very unusual and positive when the bridegroom with matchmakers, musicians and a loaf stands at the entrance to the entrance where his sweetheart lives.

According to a pre-written script, the matchmaker acts as a “detective” and asks the bride's parents about various topics concerning their daughter and family as a whole. After the responses received, all the guests' attention switches to the bride herself. Her image should overshadow all those present. A matchmaker arranges a few tests for a girl to see if she is worthy of becoming the wife of their ward. After the bride, the matchmaker proceeds to check the groom himself.

During the ceremony, the guests and parents of the bride receive small symbolic souvenirs. Certain toasts are prepared for each stage of the scenario. During the tests, chastooshkas and folk songs are used as musical accompaniment. After the main part of the events, the matchmaker starts playing various games with the guests, and then invites a cheerful public to sit down at the festive table.

In order to understand the sequence of actions, It is necessary to make a short plan of the event, from which you can build on and offer your ideas.

• The arrival of matchmakers to the house of the future bride. Their meeting should be accompanied by ditties and songs.
• The process of dating. Future relatives may meet for the first time, so they need some time to greet and get to know each other. At this point, the groom presents presents to the parents of the bride and treats them to a baked loaf.
• Invitation to the table. Parents of the bride should spend future relatives on a holiday feast and arrange them in places.
• The appearance of the bride. The girl appears in the most elegant way, and her parents should describe the positive qualities of their daughter.
• Declaration of love. The groom must tell how much he loves his darling.
• Having received a blessing from the parents of the bride, the matchmaking process can be considered complete. The final stage is a birthday cake and tea.

On how to woo the bride, see the following video.